Thursday, June 22, 2006
it just feels like blogging has no longer any meaning anymore. i mean, wheres the mystery? wheres the suspense? has life become so dull that we are reduced to just rambling on the internet about oh this and that has happened in our lives? what happened to simple conversation!? sigh im ranting i know. but it just feels like in some way, despite the clear irony, that using a blog as a channel to 'socialise' in a sense, is leading to an erosion of social interaction. haha i know, like what the hell is he talking about? but thats what i feel. maybe its an age thing, a 'im getting too old for this shit' kinda thing. whatever it is.. i guess thats it for blogging for me.
for now at least.
or so it seems, at 8:37 PM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
this is a first. booking in for the 'start' of the week on friday for saf day rehearsal, and then saturday for ndp rehearsal. what happened to the good old days of monday-friday work week? i guess its one thing to work a boring job 8-5... but it sure is a hell of a pain working a 'you work when we want you to fucking work' work week. yay to saf!
anyhows. had a good thursday.. thursday seem to be really good for some reason. thursdays always mean 'weekend is upon us' and good things always happen when you have that in your mind. had a good few games of pool with luke, managed to settle some stuff (my poor army handphone got wet and is now damaged beyond use yay x2, i'm burning through non-camera phones.. now using my 5th one) and then met ian and caleb and kenneth (by accident) for dinner heh. had beef hor fun (hongkong style) at this noodle place called central at taka basement.. not too bad.
there'll definitely be more to blog about over the weekend.. can't wait.
or so it seems, at 9:53 PM
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
its wearing me out. oh god its really wearing me out.
what a dreadful week its been. you'd think having 3 days of MC from monday to wednesday, followed by off on thursday and friday is a bloody good deal. and well, despite being really rather sick enough to justify the mc, i have to admit that it does seem rather too convienient, and who wouldnt want to be in the same situation as me? well please take my place. because you'll soon realise that nothing is what it seems, as long as you are still tied down to that wretched (yes, wretched) institution known as the Singapore Armed Forces.
For all the times i've imagined that, 'oh, in the future i'll just look back on these days with pride, with longing' there's always been something in the present that keeps me rooted with 'wtf am i doing this for'. except now the latter is waaay overwhelming the former, and its killing me.
finding out that i have to go back to camp on friday for a full day rehearsal at safti for saf day (like, wowee how exciting) just totally wrecked me, for some reason. gives me that uneasy feeling i dread, the feeling i have the day before exams, the day before results, the day before enlistment, the moments before book in, so on and so forth, im sure you know this feeling. its the feeling of complete unease with the world, as if the harbingers of doom are right and everything's going to come crashing down; the sky falling and crushing poor chicken little in his spot and ironically proving his foresayings of doom. its in moments like these that i cannot help but wonder 'what in gods name am i doing in this ridiculous joke of a "national service"'
its bad enough that my friday night-saturday afternoon time slot has been slashed away, precious 'at-home or with friends' time stolen, now i find out that fridays are also full day saf day rehearsal days, further slashing time spend out of camp. which, unless you've actually spent time in the saf, you'll not cherish the same way we do. for every second outside of the saf's boundaries is heaven. its pure heaven, knowing that for those seconds you've escaped from all the bureacracy, all the incompetence, all the mind-numbing retardedness (is there even such a word? woe is me, my brain is fading into nothingness). sigh. i've lost the energy to bitch about this any longer. 2 more months and i'll be done with all this rubbish. just 2 more months.
and my parents are flying off to the US tomorrow to enjoy a tour and meet up with my brother. oh to think that i decided not to go on account of being heavily committed with ndp and saf day, of wanting to save my leave for ORD, of not wanting to escape for 2 weeks, knowing that i'll just be dragged back right in on my return.
i am a fool.
a cold and lonely fool.
*edit
sigh recently i've been worrying a lot about my parents. i guess in this age of instant communication, there are only 2 possibilities we harbour in our minds. 1, since i can call him/her and hear their voices and be in the know of whats happening, everything is fine and i need not worry. thus a great benefit. on the other hand lies 2. since i can call him/her and hear their voices etcetc, its then disconcerting when he/her fails to pick up after repeated calls, especially when he/her is late, and late by no 5-10 minutes but more like an hour, or even more. hence my worrying, which is amplified and confused at the same time. this is because of the knowledge that my parents tend to leave their phones on silent, and almost never realise their phone is ringing. while being worried that something has happened is on one hand, the other hand balances the knowledge of 'oh don't be silly, they just didnt realise u called them and are probably held up somewhere'. the later has so far always held to be true, but i still worry. for now they are getting older, and this sign of age has been showing itself in my dad, who seems to be a tad slow in registering information now. and tomorrow they'll be flying off to america for a tour with strangers, which i guess should be quite safe. but still i worry.
sigh.
or so it seems, at 7:48 PM
Sunday, June 11, 2006
bleah. why am i always sick on weekends. at first i thought i had a sorethroat because i ate too many dried mango slices, which rock. but then i was sickingly reminded that i only get sorethroats when i have a flu, which means fevers, muscle aches and coughing/sneezing. god this sucks.
i guess thats what you get after spending friday morning, saturday afternoon and sunday afternoon navigating through the rain. bleah.
or so it seems, at 7:39 PM
Monday, June 05, 2006
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
what a crazy weekend. crazy because of the amount of time i spent out and about, crazy because of the mad fun i've had just chillin' with the impt people in my life, crazy because i've finally got my driving license. *mad grin* im crazy. muaha. XXXDDDD
so started my long weekend on thursday night. which couldnt have come any sooner because thursday must have been one of the longest days in khatib camp, because of those damn MPs. they appeared out of nowhere to conduct a full inspection (office and bunk, dogs sniffing around cars that kinda thing) and of course managed to nab 19 people for various contraband items. which would have been alright if it had ended at that. but at the end of the day at 5pm we had another inspection by the regulars in our unit, headed by our USO (unit security officer). and of course more people got caught, since this was waaaay more unexpected than the MP check (at least we had seen them drive into our camp and park outside our building, more than enough time to do a little hiding). relief only came when i managed to book out of camp.. escaped once again for 4 days of freedom. and with the first little bit of freedom.. caught up with Lost. it has to be one of (if not THE) best show i have ever seen. scratch that, it IS the best show ever.
friday! struggled out of bed in the morning to go driving.. kinda getting sick of going to ssdc in the mornings.. but i guess it all paid off in the end.. no more ssdc for me now :D then milled around town doing some window shopping.. and met up with aimee for starbucks and general hanging out. got myself 2 new fourskin shirts too.. at 50% and 20% off hehe. headed down to holland v for dinner with leb and brandon.. breko's sauce n' mash is good stuff! of course no holland v gathering is complete without... ESSENTIAL BREWS! oh how i miss my essential brews. shouldn't have tried a new drink though.. which was badly blended (too little ice). but its still a great place to just chill and have intellectual conversation, bitchy conversation, flippant conversation, gossipy conversation, or no conversation at all. haha. had to head back early though.. NDP on saturday. sigh, would have loved to stay over at howards and watch game 6 of pistons vs heat.. oh well.
NDP! every saturday is NDP saturday now (ugh), at least until the 9th of august (double ugh). as usual we had to go to camp early for no reason.. infact we were the first to reach national stadium (9:41am according to the attendance board) after which we just lazed around until 1+ before we actually started rehearsals. lunch was not SFI this time though (thank god) but instead some thai restaurant called 'siam kitchen'. which though not really to my tastes, was still better than sfi. SFI food is strangely fine when eaten at the cookhouse, but disgusting when all mixed up in those 'oven-heatable' paper boxes. good news though, last run for the day was at 4+.. but as usual, wait to rush rush to wait we ended up walking to and fro national stadium and indoor stadium due to cock ups from higher up. apparently even though we arrived first we still have to queue up for our chartered bus... and yay ours was one of the later ones in the queue. gotta love the way army works. got back to camp at 6+... and was just damn glad to plonk in a cab and get home. saturdays are a dread now.
sunday! again had to zip down to ssdc for lesson (now that i think of it, my very last lesson!). after which i zipped down to ubi to settle the car. black toyota corolla altis! can't wait for it to come :D then went down to town to hang around, bought myself 2 other books (yes its like my greatest indulgence).. 'oh the glory of it all - sean wilsey' and 'white teeth - zadie smith'. i love my books. haha met aimee for dinner at fish and co (yumyum!) and realised that i'm more of a drinks person than a food person.. good drinks always make my day!! yum sharkie freeze yum. found out that to get good drinks at fish and co you have to tell them 'less ice please.. the last time it wasn't blended well'. it was blended perfectly hehe. headed home trying my darndest not to think of TP. which wasnt that tough surprisingly... fell to asleep easily. spending everyday out and about is draining.
monday! woke up early (8+ wow) and prepared for my tp... had a good warm up session at 10.. haha got a little nerves while waiting for tester. but in the end it all worked out well, got my license with 14 points hehe. thought i had failed actually, the way the guy rambled on about my carelessness, never check blindspot never check this never do that but haha he passed me with 14 points :D think i was quite lucky though... to that damn champagne nissan sunny ex saloon who shot out from behind me to overtake as i was changing lane... FUCK YOU! like, you followed me out of the filter lane, i signalled right, its obvious i'm taking a test, i start to change lane, and you think it'll be fun to overtake me and accelerate even as i try to accelerate away from you, forcing me to suddenly turn back into my lane and slow down. fuck you. thank god i only got 4 points for 'abrupt lane change'. haha. then made my way down town to catch 'da vinci code' (at last) which was, in my opinion, much better than what people have made it out to be. audrey tatou is cute! and i think tom hanks makes quite a fine robert langdon. managed to play a few games of pool with luke too... even though i lost most of them :p andddd.. now its back to camp.
i guess thats how life is. sometimes your'e euphoric, sometimes dolorous, other times just plain apathetic.
and still life goes on.
or so it seems, at 8:27 PM
Sunday, June 04, 2006
life is a big fucking joke.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
or so it seems, at 12:22 AM
Thursday, June 01, 2006
have you ever found yourself walking in your house and suddenly thinking 'i want to lie down and die'. i just did, and i find it kinda amusing more so than anything.
you know what's really funny? this whole blogging business. it occured to me that it would be rather nice to be an enigma, and infact i rather like the whole notion of being a loner. no fuss, no frills. really ironic then that im into this whole blogging thing eh? i guess in everyone of us lies this great tendency towards voyeurism and schadenfreude, and equally so a tendency towards exhibitionism. perhaps this stems from human nature to think of self first, and the whole 'me me me' culture. its not enough that everyone has their own problems, one has to make sure everyone else knows about your problems to. society has taught us to be social creatures, to mix with the crowd; 'no man is an island' blahblah. maybe its not so bad to be an island, to be surrounded by nothing but open seas and clear skies. you know that feeling, when you're walking home at night and you look up and for once there's a full sky of stars. and you just stand there and lose yourself in the moment, soaking up all the sounds of the night, smiling brightly at nobody in particluar. its then that you're truly alive, that for one moment everything makes sense, and nothing is wrong with the world.
then you snap out of it and realised you're wrong. everything's wrong with the world.
and yet we pretend otherwise.
or so it seems, at 11:02 PM
